Cheating — Question from baffled

My newest question is from “baffled”. She writes:

Hi, I’ve just caught out my boyfriend of 12 months cheating with someone else on and off most of the time we were together. We don’t live in the same town and only saw each other on weekends but she works with him. He seems truly cut up about it and says he did it because he lost faith in us working out after the first few months, but that he continued things because I never gave him a reason to end it and he liked being with me. Is this a total lie and is he really a player?

Well I believe I speak for everyone when I say I am sorry to hear about your situation baffled. As soon as I finished reading your question I knew what had to be said. I know I am bias when it comes cheaters but the reasons he has given you are BS. I really don’t like being the person to tell you this but you need to end it with him. He could be sincere about being sorry for cheating but I can guarantee you that if you stay with him, he will cheat again. I know he will say that he won’t but he will. If he was a real man, he would have chose either you or the woman he works with and if he chose her, then he should have broken up with you. I have friends that I like hanging out with and being around. He merely doesn’t want to give you up because when the girl he works with doesn’t want to be with him, he has you to fall back on. You are merely a back up plan to him and NEED to cut him loose. I promise you that you will be better off for it. Also, in my books I would consider him as a player. He fits into the definition I gave last post about what it is to be a player. He is leading you on without any real care for you while he fools around with another woman on the side. I know it will be tough for you because you obviously have immense feelings for this man, especially after 12 months, but I really recommend that you end it with him and find a better man. I hope everything works out for you and feel free to leave more questions.

Skyye

Love is all around you, all you have to do is look

SEX WEEK announcement!!

Hello readers. I have spent several days trying to come up with a week long theme. I was going over all the questions that have been asked to me personally, on this site and even topics that I have talked about. After much deliberation, I have decided to do “SEX WEEK!” Now before people start flipping out on me SEX WEEK is not a way for men to discover new ways on how to get women to have sex with them. During this week (which I have not decided yet which week it will be) I will make a new post everyday. The posts would be me answering questions, talking about topics, or asking you the readers questions and all of the posts will be related to sex. I will also not be the only one, I have gathered a couple close friends that have a fair amount of knowledge about sex as well and will offer their opinions on each post. This way both the female and male sides can be heard. With that said, I will ask a favor of you my readers. I will be thinking of topics for SEX WEEK but in order to make it more for you readers, I would like to hear some topics or questions that you would like to be discussed. Remember the commenting system is completely anonymous and no one will know who you are. So please feel free to ask questions or suggest sex related topics. I cant wait to hear from you readers.

Skyye

Love is all around you, all you have to do is look

Knowing When to Say When

I have been sick during the past couple of days and have been meaning to do a post so sorry for the late posting. The topic for this post should be obvious. Many friends of mine have been stuck in relationships because they don’t have the guts to stand up for themselves and tell the other person to take a hike. As simple as this act sounds, it is a lot harder to do.

In a previous post I told guys to open up to the woman they like, and not to be afraid to express their emotions. As time passes on between you and the girl you like, you will become attached, even more so if you get really attached through your romance. But, you must never be afraid to end the relationship if it is for a good reason. Now that doesn’t mean not having sex with you is a good reason. But when there is a good enough reason to, it is important for you to respect yourself enough, female or male, to say to yourself that I deserve better. I am not an expert in this situation as I tend to be too humble to realize this soon enough. I find that women tend to have this problem more often than men. I was actually talking with my brother’s girlfriend about this and being in a women’s study class, she actually told me an interesting fact. She said that on average, a woman in a relationship will only break up with the guy after being walked all over about 21 times. Yes it feels good to be in a relationship but that feeling does not mean you shouldn’t be treated badly. If you are being cheated on, end it! I know this is really hard to do. Once again I may not be the foremost expert on it seeing as how i forgive a previous gf for cheating on me and continued to date her … only to get my heart broken again. When you think of forgiving your girlfriend or boyfriend for cheating on you, I want every single one of you to remember this saying. Once a cheater, always a cheater. A lot of people in the past have told me “well it’s ok, I can change him. He won’t cheat on me. He is different now.” It is true that when it comes to certain things like texting habits, people can change. However, when it comes to stuff like cheating, I don’t care who you are, you will not be able to change a person from cheating. I have yet to see a cheater stop cheating down the road. The key to all of this is respecting yourself. Knowing that you deserve better and making the steps to ensure that.

Now comes the time where I contradict myself. Don’t be afraid in a relationship to try and communicate, compromise, and work things out. Sometimes in a relationship people think that a bump in the road is a sign to break up and they don’t even bother trying to fix the problem instead of ending things. In the end, it is up to you. I can sit here on my computer typing away advice on what to do but it is you the one that has to say “goodbye.” I once helped a friend in Waterloo out of a horrible relationship. She thanks me now for it but in the end it was her that did the deed, not I. You have to realize that you can do better and that it is time to move on. Once you respect yourself enough to do so, you will be able to utter the three words …. “It is over.”

Skyye

Love is all around you, all you have to do is look

First time Sex / Beginnings of a Relationship

So I finally got my first question. For those of you who haven’t checked the looking to the Skyye section on the website, I recently changed the style for asking questions to just leaving a comment in the section. This allowed people to be completely anonymous. Well I guess it worked cause here is my first question:

hi, im a girl and im thinking i might lose my virginity soon, and i have some questions to ask. I dont know how much u can help me. but i want to know how much does it hurt? and how long will it hurt for? also i have some other questions that will prolly be easier to answer. how do u learn to trust someone? and what are some good conversation starters when ure dating someone shy and not talkive?

veryconfused

Well veryconfused, when I first read your question I knew that I couldn’t give you a full answer about the pain question for your first time. As a result I asked some of my close female friends and this is what they had to say. There are many factors that can affect/alter the amount of pain, if any, that will be felt on the female’s behalf during her first time. The general census is that it will hurt the first time you have sex and will probably still hurt a little bit the next day. However the amount of pain also depends on the woman and situation. I have known some women to not feel any pain while others do. As for the situation, friends of mine have found it to hurt less if they feel truly comfortable or safe with the guy, if they feel it is the right moment, or if they don’t feel rushed. I am afraid that is all I can say to you about that. If there are female readers feel free to leave a comment for veryconfused.

Learning to trust someone is not something I can tell you how to do and you just do it. I could give you all the advice and it still could not do you any good but I will try anyway. First of all, if you are just starting to date someone start by giving them the benefit of the doubt. You have to be willing to let them in, even if just a little. Hopefully they will start to show you at the same time that you can trust them. It just happens. You will slowly notice that you stop asking yourself what he is up to or wondering if he is with another woman. It also helps to know how the person feels about you. It can comfort you during times when you are questioning if they are going to leave you. I hope that helps.

As for conversation starters its always a good idea to do the whole 21 question game. Ask questions like what his favourite band is, favourite food, most dangerous thing he has done, etc. Get to know him better. This will not only help you later on during the relationship for gift ideas or what to do on nights out but it will give you guys things to talk about. Make sure to keep your mind open. A lot of times the best conversations happen by jumping from topic to topic without even realizing it. Be random as well. The random suggestion tends to work really well when is just as random, naturally. If you have a hard time just coming up with random questions, cause lets face it we all do, I suggest looking up a book called “Book of 200 Random Questions and Facts”. I got this book from an ex as a joke and I have used it from time to time when I can’t really think of anything to talk about with friends or lovers.

Well I hope this helped and feel free to let me know if you want more information or clarification. Also, to all the readers of my blog, if you feel you can add on to what I said or have other suggestions for veryconfused, feel free to leave your comments. Thank you for your question veryconfused.

Skyye

Love is everywhere, all you have to do is look

What is Love to You?

So I have decided that I will also ask you, the readers, questions about love, romance, etc. I am always up for learning or hearing new perspectives about romance. So with that said here is my question to you readers:

What is love to you?

Yours Truley

Skyye

The Old Ways Are the Best Ways / Romance in a Relationship

Due to the lack of questions being sent in I decided to take this time to discuss some topics that I am very passionate about when it comes to relationships and dating women.

Now some people may argue with the statement that I am about to make but in all the years that I have been dating, I have yet to be proven wrong about it. The old methods are the best methods. The oldies are making their come back. In today’s world, there are so many guys that try the one-liners or guys that dress with the clothes that are ten sizes too big, and the list goes on. It is because of this that when a woman is exposed to a man that is a gentleman and gives her a taste of the old ways she is surprised and wowed. And a lot of these ways don’t even involve a lot of effort. The classic holding the door open or opening the car door for her. Another example and one that quite a few guys that I know have managed to screw up is when it comes to picking the girl up from the house for a date. Now usually if its the first date you guys will meet somewhere other than the house but even if you do pick her up from her house on the first date, DO NOT … I repeat … DO NOT wait in the car. There are only two exceptions to this rule and I will explain them in a moment. Instead of waiting in the car for her, get out, and knock on the door. If she answers then she will most likely shout out into the hosue that she is leaving and then you guys will head out. However, if a parent answers the door, politely greet them by introducing yourself and state in a nice tone that you are there to pick up their daughter. So many parents of exs of mine have mentioned that they were impressed that I actually took the effort to go to the door and wasn’t afraid of them. I mean you should respect her parents but there is never any need to be afraid of them. They are merely trying to look out for their daughter. Now for the two exceptions to this rule that I have encountered. The first one is obvious. If when you pull into the drive way, and she is heading out the door, then there is no need to knock on the door. You can get out and meet her half way or open her door for her which I highly recommend. The second exception is based on the parents. I have dated some girls in which if a guy were to meet the parents, that basically meant that he was going to marry their daughter. This you want to try and avoid on a date and usually the girl will not want you to meet her parents so that is ok. Now im sure after reading this part there is someone somewhere arguing that when it comes to feminisists the old ways will only bring you headaches. While this may be true I am merely telling you from my experience. I have yet to have a woman criticize me or yell at me for holding a door for her.

Something that I find to be a dwindling thing in relationships is romance. I know countless guys that are all too keen to romance a woman that they are interested in and when dating her initially. However, once they are in a relationship with set woman and have dated for a couple of months, they stop trying to surprise or romance the woman. A female friend once told me that romance is the little thing in a relationship that keeps things interesting. I have yet to see her be wrong in that department. Romance is not hard to achieve or do either. All it requires is genuine emotions, thought, care, effort, and for the idea to be personal. For example, I started dating a girl in December and christmas was approaching. I wanted to get her something even though she didnt celebrate christmas merely because I liked her and I loved making her smile. However, as most guys should know by now, when you first start dating a woman, you don’t go buying her the most expensive thing right away. So i decided to get her something personal and make it myself. Now this idea is now where near my most romantic but it is one of the perfect examples of personalizing a gift for a woman. Her favorite candy was M&Ms. So what i did was I bought materials to build a ginger bread house. Now before I put the roof on I bought a whole big bag of M&Ms and filled the house with them. Then when i met her i gave her the whole thing. The look on her face was priceless. It was a bit on the heavy side but she loved it. As a final example, I will tell you what she gave me before I headed off to Waterloo for another school term. She didn’t go buy anything like that. Instead, she took a lined piece of paper and wrote me a letter. She then folded it up nicely and gave it to me the night before I left. That letter meant more to me than anything she could have bought me. It was amazing and I loved because it showed that I meant enough to her for her to put effort into making something. So guys keep that in mind when getting a girl a gift. It’s not how much it cost you, it’s the effort and care that went into it. Oh and by the way, I still have that letter she gave me and read it from time to time.

Well I hope you enjoy my thoughts and feel free to leave your comments. If you have questions don’t be afraid to send them in and I won’t post the question itself if you do not wish others to know about it. I have tried to do the whole question process as secretly as possible to ensure your privacy so don’t hesitate to send in any questions. Till next time always remember this … never stop trying, never stop loving. Romance is everyone, all you have to do is look

Yours truley,

Skyye