SEX WEEK Day 2 — Hooking Up With Friends

So a week or two ago I got a topic suggestion from a reader about hooking up with friends. I say yes and no to this. The current love my of my life started off as a friend. Her and I dated then ended and even after breaking up, we stayed best of friends and realized that we still love each other so are trying it again. However, it is very difficult to pull off one night stands or relationships with friends and not have things get awkward. It really all depends on you, the friend in mind, and the relationship between you two. Some friends are able to pass the awkwardness while others let it get to them and they end up not being able to be friends, or at least like they use to be, anymore. It is hard to say. But I have said my opinion on it and now it is you, the reader’s turn. What do you think about hooking up with friends? Feel free to leave your opinions.

Skyye

Love is all around you, all you have to do is look

Cheating — Question from baffled

My newest question is from “baffled”. She writes:

Hi, I’ve just caught out my boyfriend of 12 months cheating with someone else on and off most of the time we were together. We don’t live in the same town and only saw each other on weekends but she works with him. He seems truly cut up about it and says he did it because he lost faith in us working out after the first few months, but that he continued things because I never gave him a reason to end it and he liked being with me. Is this a total lie and is he really a player?

Well I believe I speak for everyone when I say I am sorry to hear about your situation baffled. As soon as I finished reading your question I knew what had to be said. I know I am bias when it comes cheaters but the reasons he has given you are BS. I really don’t like being the person to tell you this but you need to end it with him. He could be sincere about being sorry for cheating but I can guarantee you that if you stay with him, he will cheat again. I know he will say that he won’t but he will. If he was a real man, he would have chose either you or the woman he works with and if he chose her, then he should have broken up with you. I have friends that I like hanging out with and being around. He merely doesn’t want to give you up because when the girl he works with doesn’t want to be with him, he has you to fall back on. You are merely a back up plan to him and NEED to cut him loose. I promise you that you will be better off for it. Also, in my books I would consider him as a player. He fits into the definition I gave last post about what it is to be a player. He is leading you on without any real care for you while he fools around with another woman on the side. I know it will be tough for you because you obviously have immense feelings for this man, especially after 12 months, but I really recommend that you end it with him and find a better man. I hope everything works out for you and feel free to leave more questions.

Skyye

Love is all around you, all you have to do is look

Long Distance Relationships

Being in a co-op program in Waterloo I end up moving to a new place every four months. Where I end up is never guaranteed and although the experience is great for the resume and the wallet, it tends make any chance of avoiding the whole long-distance relationship dilemma impossible. As a result I have heard many different tales of long-distance failing and succeeding and different ideas of whether to avoid it or to try it. So with that said … I have decided to post this to you, my readers.

What do you think of long-distance relationships? Good? Bad? Possible? Impossible? Worth it? etc.

Skyye
Love is all around you, all you have to do is look

Knowing When to Say When

I have been sick during the past couple of days and have been meaning to do a post so sorry for the late posting. The topic for this post should be obvious. Many friends of mine have been stuck in relationships because they don’t have the guts to stand up for themselves and tell the other person to take a hike. As simple as this act sounds, it is a lot harder to do.

In a previous post I told guys to open up to the woman they like, and not to be afraid to express their emotions. As time passes on between you and the girl you like, you will become attached, even more so if you get really attached through your romance. But, you must never be afraid to end the relationship if it is for a good reason. Now that doesn’t mean not having sex with you is a good reason. But when there is a good enough reason to, it is important for you to respect yourself enough, female or male, to say to yourself that I deserve better. I am not an expert in this situation as I tend to be too humble to realize this soon enough. I find that women tend to have this problem more often than men. I was actually talking with my brother’s girlfriend about this and being in a women’s study class, she actually told me an interesting fact. She said that on average, a woman in a relationship will only break up with the guy after being walked all over about 21 times. Yes it feels good to be in a relationship but that feeling does not mean you shouldn’t be treated badly. If you are being cheated on, end it! I know this is really hard to do. Once again I may not be the foremost expert on it seeing as how i forgive a previous gf for cheating on me and continued to date her … only to get my heart broken again. When you think of forgiving your girlfriend or boyfriend for cheating on you, I want every single one of you to remember this saying. Once a cheater, always a cheater. A lot of people in the past have told me “well it’s ok, I can change him. He won’t cheat on me. He is different now.” It is true that when it comes to certain things like texting habits, people can change. However, when it comes to stuff like cheating, I don’t care who you are, you will not be able to change a person from cheating. I have yet to see a cheater stop cheating down the road. The key to all of this is respecting yourself. Knowing that you deserve better and making the steps to ensure that.

Now comes the time where I contradict myself. Don’t be afraid in a relationship to try and communicate, compromise, and work things out. Sometimes in a relationship people think that a bump in the road is a sign to break up and they don’t even bother trying to fix the problem instead of ending things. In the end, it is up to you. I can sit here on my computer typing away advice on what to do but it is you the one that has to say “goodbye.” I once helped a friend in Waterloo out of a horrible relationship. She thanks me now for it but in the end it was her that did the deed, not I. You have to realize that you can do better and that it is time to move on. Once you respect yourself enough to do so, you will be able to utter the three words …. “It is over.”

Skyye

Love is all around you, all you have to do is look

First time Sex / Beginnings of a Relationship

So I finally got my first question. For those of you who haven’t checked the looking to the Skyye section on the website, I recently changed the style for asking questions to just leaving a comment in the section. This allowed people to be completely anonymous. Well I guess it worked cause here is my first question:

hi, im a girl and im thinking i might lose my virginity soon, and i have some questions to ask. I dont know how much u can help me. but i want to know how much does it hurt? and how long will it hurt for? also i have some other questions that will prolly be easier to answer. how do u learn to trust someone? and what are some good conversation starters when ure dating someone shy and not talkive?

veryconfused

Well veryconfused, when I first read your question I knew that I couldn’t give you a full answer about the pain question for your first time. As a result I asked some of my close female friends and this is what they had to say. There are many factors that can affect/alter the amount of pain, if any, that will be felt on the female’s behalf during her first time. The general census is that it will hurt the first time you have sex and will probably still hurt a little bit the next day. However the amount of pain also depends on the woman and situation. I have known some women to not feel any pain while others do. As for the situation, friends of mine have found it to hurt less if they feel truly comfortable or safe with the guy, if they feel it is the right moment, or if they don’t feel rushed. I am afraid that is all I can say to you about that. If there are female readers feel free to leave a comment for veryconfused.

Learning to trust someone is not something I can tell you how to do and you just do it. I could give you all the advice and it still could not do you any good but I will try anyway. First of all, if you are just starting to date someone start by giving them the benefit of the doubt. You have to be willing to let them in, even if just a little. Hopefully they will start to show you at the same time that you can trust them. It just happens. You will slowly notice that you stop asking yourself what he is up to or wondering if he is with another woman. It also helps to know how the person feels about you. It can comfort you during times when you are questioning if they are going to leave you. I hope that helps.

As for conversation starters its always a good idea to do the whole 21 question game. Ask questions like what his favourite band is, favourite food, most dangerous thing he has done, etc. Get to know him better. This will not only help you later on during the relationship for gift ideas or what to do on nights out but it will give you guys things to talk about. Make sure to keep your mind open. A lot of times the best conversations happen by jumping from topic to topic without even realizing it. Be random as well. The random suggestion tends to work really well when is just as random, naturally. If you have a hard time just coming up with random questions, cause lets face it we all do, I suggest looking up a book called “Book of 200 Random Questions and Facts”. I got this book from an ex as a joke and I have used it from time to time when I can’t really think of anything to talk about with friends or lovers.

Well I hope this helped and feel free to let me know if you want more information or clarification. Also, to all the readers of my blog, if you feel you can add on to what I said or have other suggestions for veryconfused, feel free to leave your comments. Thank you for your question veryconfused.

Skyye

Love is everywhere, all you have to do is look

What is Love to You?

So I have decided that I will also ask you, the readers, questions about love, romance, etc. I am always up for learning or hearing new perspectives about romance. So with that said here is my question to you readers:

What is love to you?

Yours Truley

Skyye